Today

~"Celebrating" birthday/half-birthday with a dear friend--in person!
~Long nap (more than 2 hours)!
~Technically on "break" but working on a grant proposal and facility IRB application for one project and a concept paper for another project.
~Taking time out from writing for a movie/popcorn night with family!

Recent Happenings

Here are few of the major happenings from the past week:
~Pulling my 4th ever (I think) "all-nighter" only a couple of weeks after the previous one I had hoped would be my last.  I am now hoping this was the last one, but not going to count on it.
~Finally graduating with a Master of Science in Nutritional Sciences from Iowa State University!  This was *only* 1 1/2 years later than intended. Considering the obstacles that presented themselves, I am grateful and excited to have even finished!
~Earning my first B+ since high school.  Sigh. :(  In light of what else was going on this semester, I am actually very grateful I received a B+.  It could have been much worse.
~Discovering new pain management options and tricks. Unfortunately, these have been from necessity.
~Learning it is possible to become overwhelmed from good things as well as from difficulties.  
~Looking forward to going back to Lincoln in a few days for an actual break!!!!!

Snow!

It snowed overnight! I woke to a beautiful white world this morning.  Plans have been changed, but nothing serious.  I am enjoying getting to work from home.  So far, we have gotten ~10.5 inches and it is still snowing lightly.  After two very mild and nearly snow-free winters, this snow is very welcome!  We need moisture and I would love to have a white Christmas!

No Rest for the Weary

written 11/29/12

OK, so the title is not actually true, but it sure seems that way sometimes.  Especially when running on absolutely NO sleep last night.  I think this is only my 3rd ever "all-nighter" and I would prefer it be the last.  I am too old to lose an entire night of sleep anymore.

So, I have been under an incredible amount of pressure from multiple deadlines.  There just has not seemed to be time for everything and I could not figure out what needed to be cut.  Hence, cutting sleep last night in an attempt to meet two deadlines that occurred within hours of each other.  I met deadlines, but the final products for both were not exactly what I would have preferred had circumstances been different.  Still, both went much better than they could have and it is a relief to know that those two deadlines are past and I can now focus on the next one (Monday).  No rest for the weary...sigh.

In spite of the pressure, I still intentionally chose to have my usual quiet time this morning.  I know from experience that if I skip it, I will regret it the rest of the day no matter how badly I think I need the time for something else.  The day simply does not go as well if not started with focus on and time with God.  God rewarded me for my decision by providing just what I needed to be encouraged with! Plus, taking a break from the task actually allows me to approach things more effectively when I come back to the task. This is something I am still learning to better and more effectively incorporate. 

Excerpts from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
"Let Me infuse My Peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something you accomplish through self-discipline or willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.  In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge this neediness.  However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me; placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work.  You have realized that needing Me is key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts."

Excerpts and thoughts from 31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers with Warren Myers
"I praise You for the gracious way You infuse me with inner strength through Christ...and so I'm ready for anything You want me to do, and I'm equal to anything You allow to happen in my life.  Thank You that I can throw the whole weight of my anxieties on You, for I am Your personal concern."  I must let go of burdens, inadequacies, self-dependence.  Instead, rest in God's presence. Joyfully depend on God.

My thoughts from both of the previous: just what I needed to be reminded of-I'm overwhelmed, pressured, tired and discouraged.  But, God knows me and carries me.  

The day ahead of me looked impossible.  I was unable to take my usual approaches to these types of situations.  Ordinarily, not being able to use familiar methods leaves me apprehensive of results.  I had to trust that God would enable me to perform to the best of my ability under the less-than-ideal circumstances and that He would give me the peace and strength needed.  I could tell others were praying for me last night.  I was more focused, more calm and more productive than normal even though also very tired and under lots of pressure.  It was amazing!  Once I had met deadlines this afternoon, there was noticeable release from the feelings of pressure and I actually was able to rest both physically and mentally.  God is faithful!  He gives strength and rest when needed.  In contrast to the statement in the title of this post, there is rest for the weary; it comes from God.

Thankfulness

"Thankfulness opens your heart to My Presence and your mind to My thoughts. You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances)."
~Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

"When my heart is overwhelmed, I'm more aware of my need to cry to You...to take refuge in You...to rely on You. I rejoice that these things keep reminding me to depend on You with all my heart."
~31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers & Warren Myers

Oatmeal Cranberry Spice Cookies

This is my latest recipe experiment! I am supposed to be taking it somewhat easy this afternoon and evening which meant my initial plan to swim laps this evening was not the greatest idea.  I decided baking cookies was an excellent alternative to exercise. :)

Oatmeal Cranberry Spice Cookies

1/2 c coconut oil
1 c brown sugar
2 eggs
1 t vanilla
1/4 c milk
1 1/2 c whole wheat flour
1/2 t salt
1 t soda
1 t cinnamon
1 t nutmeg
1/4 t ginger
1/4 t cloves
1/4 t allspice
3 c quick oats
1 c dried cranberries

Cream together oil and sugar, add eggs, vanilla and milk and mix.  Stir together flour, salt, soda and spices.  Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and mix.  Stir in oats, then cranberries.  Drop by spoonful onto cookie sheet and bake ~9 minutes at 350.

Of course, because apparently I find it difficult to simply follow a recipe, this recipe was made up just this evening.  It started from an idea and an oatmeal raisin cookie recipe.  The coconut oil was the first time I've ever used it.  Honestly, I did not notice any difference whatsoever from previously using butter (original recipe) or canola oil (one of my other experiments).  I will probably continue to use either butter or canola oil in the future.  I normally do not add milk, but the dough was too dry...so I added milk after the flour was mostly mixed in, but before adding oats.  The blend of spices and cranberry turned out very well!  An extra bonus: my kitchen-and the rest of my apartment-smells amazing!

*Disclaimer: I am NOT advocating baking cookies instead of exercising! :)

Tantalizing photos:

And...please still ignore dates on photos.  I STILL have battery problems and STILL cannot remember to change the date.

October already...

Autumn is a beautiful time of year.  I enjoy watching the trees change color, leaves fall and blow in the wind.  Each day brings a little bit different mix of colors and ever more leaves on the ground and falling.  The path I normally walk along is absolutely gorgeous and I am thoroughly enjoying my walks-when I get them in. :)

When Negative is Positive

I like contrasts and that is precisely what the title is!  It was also inspired by a comment my dad made when I let him know a result was negative.

OK, the story...
I somehow went from being very healthy, to being rather sick.  More accurately, I have been sick more than well since July of this year.  The reason at least partially has to do with the amount of stress I was under and that the stress has not exactly gone away yet.  The stress has lessened some in some areas, worsened in others, but overall, is still very present although less intense.  Anyway, I have been getting sick nearly every single weekend (as in respiratory infection with low fever and worsening of the ever-present cough that won't go away--nothing major, just annoying). So, last week, by Tuesday afternoon I finally was feeling better from the previous weekend's illness.  Yay!  Then, Thursday morning woke knowing I was starting the next round early.  Sigh.  I continued on with plans to go to Nebraska to be with family and finally have a mini-vacation of sorts since there was no chance for one during the summer.  I got to Lincoln Thursday evening, woke Friday morning feeling worse than ever.  By Sunday, I was so tired I fell asleep after church and before lunch, then fell asleep again after lunch and slept 3 more hours that afternoon.  Sunday evening, I was coughing so hard that my mom asked if I thought I had whooping cough...no.  But being curious, I looked up the symptoms of whooping cough (otherwise known as pertussis) and the description was an exact fit of what I was dealing with.  I figured chances were pretty slim that I actually had whooping cough since I was not aware of any exposure, my immunizations are all up to date, and it is rather uncommon, etc.  But, I also know others who had gotten it even though they'd been vaccinated.  So, once back in Iowa, I got in to the doctor and got checked just to be sure.  The tests results came back today-negative.  Yay!  So, being negative truly is positive! :)

Now, to figure out what I do have and get it to go away.  This cough has made me aware of abdominal muscles I didn't know I had...and that is in spite of my abdominal muscles actually being in decent shape from doing Pilates, stabilization and core-strengthening exercises regularly.  Between the cough, fever, headache, congestion, and lack of sleep from the cough, I really don't feel well.  Getting anything done is a major undertaking.  Hopefully, I can rest enough this weekend to start getting well again. :)

Recipes

Recipe 1: Tortillas

Here is the recipe for the tortillas I made awhile back.  It is based on the recipe I grew up making and although I did modify it a bit from the original, it is still mostly the same.

Tortillas
3 cups flour (I use 100% white whole wheat flour)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup butter (5 1/3 tablespoons)
1 cup warm water
Mix together dry ingredients.  Cut in butter.  Add water and mix.  Roll into circles and bake on medium heat griddle.

This made ~10 tortillas for me this time.  I froze the extras and so far, they thaw fine. :)

Recipe 2: Black Beans

This recipe is still in process as I've only made it twice and am not really working from any recipe at all-just making things up as I go along.  Thus, this is subject to much change!

So far:

Sort and rinse 2 cups of black beans

Cover beans with several inches of water and allow to soak overnight.

Drain and rinse beans, pour beans into crock pot.

Cover beans with several inches of water

Season to taste-options are endless! :)

I use:

2 teaspoons chili powder

2 teaspoons cumin

2 teaspoons onion powder

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

Cook until beans are tender and desired consistency.  Once beans are soft, add salt to taste.  I use 1/2 to 1 teaspoon salt for this amount of beans. I have been cooking the beans on a combination of low and high for several hours.  I let them get so soft that they look like refried beans but I don't have to mash them or do anything with them.  Easiest way to make refried beans from scratch!   

These freeze and thaw very well!  

Notes: you can probably cook more beans at a time, but they spatter so much steam the way it is I've been afraid to try a larger batch.  Because they spatter steam, make sure nothing that can be damaged by water is near the crock pot.

Home made black beans!

Today

Today...
-I had to go back and locate the part that fell off of my car on the way to church.  This resulted in making me late to church, but I found the part and I did finally get to church!
-I took a nap instead of eating lunch as I was far more tired than hungry.
-I finally made tortillas after intending to do so all spring and summer.  They turned out very well!
-I confirmed that yes, I must really be getting sick again...the sore throat, tiredness, decreased appetite have now been joined by low grade fever...sigh.
-Giving God thanks for the day, all it has held and still holds, His faithfulness in meeting every need, sustaining in all things!

"This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Fall Semester 2012

Here I am at yet another school year. I have been through an intensely busy summer, with absolutely no break or vacation.

Honestly, I am physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted after an intense summer and no break.  However, I also know this is the way God allowed things to work. I also know His grace is sufficient and that He meets every need.  If I lack something, then I obviously don't need it right now.  Because, He is sufficient for all, there is no cause to worry about the school year or how worn down and burnt out I am.  Instead, I must give Him thanks and praise for carrying me through the summer and rely on Him for strength to go forward.  

Recipe: Cookie Dough Smoothie

A “healthy” cookie dough smoothie was one of my relatively recent experiments that turned out quite well! This is actually two separate recipes and both are great on their own.  First make the cookie dough and allow it to freeze.  Once frozen, it can be used whenever desired for smoothies, ice cream, or nibbling!

The cookie dough recipe was loosely based on a recipe I saw…it looked like a cross between chocolate chip cookie dough and shortbread cookie dough…so that is what I did…along with a few other twists I have been slowly incorporating into some of my cookie recipes.

Smoothie recipe…you may ask?  Sorry, it doesn’t exist.  This is one that I just dumped things together, turned on the blender…and the result was amazing.  Thus, I continue to just dump in the same set of ingredients (most of the time-sometimes I get creative and try other things). 

“Healthy” Cookie Dough Smoothie

Make cookie dough and form into small balls.  Freeze.  Make smoothie.  Gently stir in some cookie dough balls (this is going to be arbitrary-thus to taste!).  Pour into glass and enjoy!  Of course, the cookie dough will interfere with the effectiveness of a straw for those who like to use straws for smoothies. 

Actual “recipes”

Recipe 1: Raw Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
tried/created 7/24/12

½ c butter, softened
½ c oil
1 ½ c brown sugar
1 t vanilla
2 ¼ c whole wheat flour
1 t salt
~1 c mini chocolate chips (~ ½ 12-oz pkg)

Cream butter and brown sugar, stir in oil and vanilla.  Stir together flour and salt and add to wet ingredients-mix well.  Add chocolate chips and stir in.  Shape into balls of desired size.  These can be “bite-sized” for cookie dough snacking/desserts.  Or, these can be made very small to add to ice cream or smoothies. Note: dough will be crumbly.

Recipe 2: Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie
disclaimer: not an actual recipe!

Frozen banana
Peanut butter (I use natural)
milk

Break the frozen banana into chunks and place the chunks in a blender.  Add a spoonful of peanut butter and pour in some milk.  Blend until desired consistency.  If too thick, add more milk. 

Enjoy!

Pictures! (Yes, I know the order is backward, but I'm too tired to deal with it now. Also, please ignore dates/times-they are incorrect.)

Finished smoothie!

 cookie dough on top of smoothie

 Smoothie

 Blending

 peanut butter on top of banana

 frozen banana

 cookie dough!

 little cookie dough balls, heading for freezer

Fire...

...can be so many things.  It can warm and comfort on a cold day.  It can also cause fear and loss.  Such extreme perspectives for the same word.

This morning started out with fear from fire.  The apartment building next to the one I live in was burning.  Quite honestly, it was scary watching the flames engulf the roof of the entire building and seeing how close that building is to the one I live in.  All it would take was a little wind to carry the flames across...

But, God protected.  All occupants of the building that burned were evacuated safely with no injuries!  All occupants from the east wing of "my" building were also safely evacuated (due to smoke inhalation risks).  My section of the building was the furthest east that was NOT evacuated.  But, I did pack up essentials just in case...and was so relieved to see the fire lessen as the fire fighters gained control.  Small isolated fires continue to burn, but the massive flames from earlier were gone.  Smoke filled the area and at one point, it was impossible to see between the two buildings because the smoke was so thick.  The east building is a total loss.

 Please ignore dates/times on the photos (major camera battery problems). These are AFTER the fire was controlled, though not extinguished. My batteries were ALL dead earlier on when the flames were making things look a bit scary.

My building is the one on the right in the above photo. You can see how close the buildings are and how thick the smoke was at times.

Some through the waters, some through the flood,

Some through the fire, but all through the blood;

Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,

In the night season and all the day long. 

I could not help but think of the above words all morning.  Two years ago, I was evacuated by boat due to severe flooding.  This morning, I was not evacuated, but that concern was present until the fire was under control.  In ALL things, God is good.  I do not have to understand His ways, only trust Him.

I am so grateful for God's protection this morning!  Everyone got out OK! Now, praying for all of those displaced.  Yes, it was scary until they got the fire under control.  I live in the building adjacent to the one that burned. At one point they were directing at least one hose onto the roof of the building I live in to cool it down and prevent the fire from spreading to this building.  To my knowledge, there are still small fires burning, but I honestly have not looked for awhile.  Other than the fact that everything smells like smoke, I was untouched by the fire itself, though impacted by the scene of watching those who lost everything...a powerful reminder of true priorities. I remember clearly nearly two years ago packing under similar, yet very different, circumstances.  In that case it was flooding and I was forced to evacuate.  Again, I had to decide what was most important to take with me for an unknown duration.  In that instance I had no way of knowing when I'd be allowed back in.  In contrast, this morning, the fire was controlled soon enough that I did not need to be evacuated.  While I packed with unknowns in mind, I knew relatively soon after that it was not necessary and that once out, they'd let me back in again.  (The entire street is blocked off with no traffic in or out.  I did have to ask and did have to convince the police officer this afternoon to let me back in.  At first, he didn't think I could actually get there, but when I explained that I had gotten out fine, he let me back in.) 

Local news article on the fire:

http://www.iowastatedaily.com/news/article_357565ea-ce8a-11e1-af61-001a4bcf887a.html

Just another day...in my life that seems to think I need constant "excitement."  Honestly, I far prefer "boring" to the types of "excitement" I've had recently.  Yet, God reminds that He is faithful to carry me through even when overwhelmed by circumstances. 

 Above shows where the fire is reported to have started.

 In the above photo "my" building is on the left-too close and scary when the fire was at its worst.

 Far less scary in these photos than earlier on, yet more grave as full extent of the damage is becoming obvious.

This photo was really only to show context...partly thinking of two years ago when all of this was under water...and now full of smoke and worse.

I did go back out and look a short while ago.  No indication of fire anywhere and clean-up is already underway.  Vehicles are being towed away and debris carried away.  The sound of dripping water and falling pieces of charred building can be heard throughout the area.  

More links on things:

http://www.iowastatedaily.com/multimedia/collection_aef2414e-ceb3-11e1-8100-0019bb2963f4.html

http://www.amestrib.com/sections/news/ames-and-story-county/apartment-house-burns-south-fifth-street.html

In all, I'm grateful that God is still in control even when things are out of control from a human perspective.  I am praying for those who lost everything and are now temporarily homeless; also, that I take away from this the reminder of true priorities and what is truly important.  

July 2012 Update on Mom

This is an update on my mom that my sister Lori wrote and posted on Facebook.

Thank you for your faithful prayers for our family. Mom was given a break from chemo for four months this spring.  In June, scans showed some change in her bones and additional tests found cancer in her bone marrow and spots on her liver. The cancer in the bone marrow helps explain the fluctuations in her blood counts even when she wasn’t on chemo.

~

Mom started chemotherapy again this past Monday. Please pray that it would be effective in getting rid of the cancer in her bone marrow and liver. Pray also for relief from side effects such as nausea and weariness and for protection from sickness or infection. She needed another blood transfusion today (Saturday) to help raise her blood count. Hopefully, this will help with some of the tiredness that she has been having, as well.

~

Her outlook is cheerful and full of hope as always. We praise the Lord for His goodness and the grace that He gives from day to day. “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” – Psalm 34:8

Life is interesting...

...and apparently never boring, calm, quiet, peaceful.  I would happily settle for "boring" in place of the continual excitement of unpredictability. 


I feel as if I am sorting through the aftermath (on multiple fronts, really).  There is nothing quite so anti-climactic as pushing really hard toward a difficult goal, literally draining all resources and then having the goal postponed (feels like: taken away) at the last moment...and delayed for over a month.  I am now bearing the physical, emotional, mental consequences of the push without the rewards...or at least that is how things appear.  I am the sickest I have been in quite some time...and still facing large amounts of work that needs to be done.  There are a lot of positive things about this change, but I still need some time to adjust and to get used the major change in plans.  


And, yes, I am aware I have not posted in a VERY long time.  See above info about pushing very hard toward a goal.  I figured if I did not have time to sleep, I most certainly did NOT have time for Facebook or blogging.  Hence my apparent absence from both for awhile.  I admit, I did once in awhile glance briefly, but did not try to post or keep up with anything.  Things are still really busy and will be, but hopefully, I can bring things back to a better balance now that some of the intensity is gone.  

Regardless of recent circumstances, I know beyond all doubt that God is in control and that He lovingly orchestrates things to best meet my ultimate needs.  Even in the recent chaos, I could and can feel Him supporting and sustaining me.  He is good and faithful in all He does.  

Sufficiency in Difficulties

These thoughts are taken from my readings the morning of May 10 with additional thoughts I added.

From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (written as if Jesus was speaking to the reader):

“Do not resist or run from difficulties in your life. These problems are not mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stressed, let these feelings alert you to your need for Me.  Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us.  Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom.  Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.”

My thoughts:

Wow! Pretty much exactly what I needed to be reminded of right now.  I need to step back and allow God to have full control of my life and trust that He knows what He is doing and that He is using the tools that He feels will best develop me according to His plan.  I must cheerfully/joyfully submit/yield/surrender to Him in full trust and humility.

From 31 Days of Praise: Enjoying God Anew by Ruth Myers with Warren Myers (written as if the reader is speaking to God):

“I choose to thank You for my weaknesses, my infirmities, my inadequacies (physical, mental, emotional, relational)…for the ways I fall short of what people view as ideal…for my feelings of helplessness and inferiority, and even my pain and distresses.  What a comfort to know that You understand the feeling of my weaknesses!...and that in Your infinite wisdom You have allowed these in my life so that they may contribute to Your high purposes for me. 

Thank You that many a time my weaknesses cut through my pride and help me walk humbly with You…and then, as You’ve promised, You give me more grace-You help and bless and strengthen me.  Thank You for all the ways I’m inadequate, for they prod me to trust in You and not in myself…and I’m grateful that my adequacy comes from You, the all-sufficient God who is enough! 

Thank You that I can trust You to remove or change any of my weaknesses and handicaps and shortcomings the moment they are no longer needed for Your glory, and for my good, and for the good of other people…and that in the meantime, Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

My thoughts:

Wow! This really fits with the other readings.  I need to surrender fully and let God work-His way.  

This however, is not the end of the story for that day.  The following is copied from something I wrote that evening:

Processing

I had an amazing quiet time this morning!  I was so encouraged, everything was fitting together and connecting with where I am and what I dealing with at present.  The day started off well, but somewhere, sometime, somehow things started slipping as one incident followed another, new issues came up that were entirely unanticipated, old issues resurfaced, or had new components added to them.  Somehow, I went from excited anticipation of what the day held to a pathetic heap lying in bed and crying the hardest I have cried in a very long time (and I am not ordinarily a crier). What happened?  Is this just the depths after the mountain height this morning?  I am writing now in an attempt to stop the tears-not because I have pulled myself together.  Next to me is a box of Kleenex that is in serious danger of being emptied before I am done. 

Questions: is there something I am missing?  Is God trying to teach me something I am not getting?  Am I being too prideful?  Thus, it takes repeated and harder lessons?  Is this simply something He is allowing for now to teach me more complete dependence on Him?  I think one of my biggest fears in all of this, is that instead of bringing Him glory by my response to things, I will mar what He is trying to accomplish.  

Thoughts written today while putting this together:

I don't really have answers to the questions I asked above.  It is interesting to look back over the readings and the "crash" that evening.  I think the meltdown was a combination of things including the opportunity to practice what I had learned that morning.  Looking back, in the midst of the tears, as I was writing and trying to process and make sense of things, I made a list of the major stressors and difficulties I was facing.  It was a rather lengthy list.  This allowed me to realize that an emotional meltdown was natural under the circumstances and most likely unavoidable when considering everything that was weighing on me.  It also allowed me to identify which issues I could take action on myself and which ones I needed help with as well as which ones there is nothing anyone can do about right now.  I then sent a couple of emails and set things in motion and was able to put a plan in place to effectively manage some of the issues.  Others are still definitely present and will be for awhile.  Still others are most likely things I will be dealing with the rest of my life.  The permanent difficulties are sometimes the hardest and sometimes the easiest to accept.  I came through a period of deep discouragement and frustration, where I acknowledged that God had to still have a plan since I was still dealing with things, but I was failing to see even the tiniest glimpse of what possible good could come out of the circumstances.  Then, God showed me some of what He was doing and how He was using me.  He used encouraging words from others, He even showed me how some of my ramblings in this blog were reaching others with similar struggles.  The realization that God was using me in spite of my less-than-stellar attitude was humbling.  It was also the encouragement I needed at the time to keep on going resting in His strength and joy in the midst of the difficulties and to know more fully that truly He is all-sufficient to carry me through the most difficult times.  

I realize this was another long post, but could not figure out how to break it up without losing the context of how everything fit together.  I am ever amazed at God's love and faithfulness!

Finals Week: Writing on Demand

Finals week has caught up with me again.  I have been struggling to finish two short papers to finally complete requirements for a course I received an incomplete in last spring.  Why is it so hard to write these two papers?  They are even along the lines of where my greatest strengths in writing are.  I love black and white, logic, sequence, putting things together in order, thinking through how things fit.  Admittedly, I am not a writer, but critiques of science and research are far easier for me than creative writing.  Or so I have always thought.  Recently, I am beginning to wonder.  Why can I write a couple of pages in my journal in 30 minutes or so?  Why can I draft blog posts? Facebook notes? I do take the effort to make sure wording is accurate, anything I have quoted is appropriately cited, etc. So, why can I write these, but not assignments?  My latest conclusion (as of 5 minutes ago) is that I cannot write on demand.  I can free flow what I am thinking, learning, experiencing, etc.  I can vent out frustrations, negative thoughts, other less-than-admirable content.  What is so hard about writing something that I put the outline together myself, chose the papers I am to analyze, picked the topics based on interests?  Is it simply pressure of deadlines?  I don’t think so.  Why am I writing this now?  Because it gives me something to do when I am struggling to point of frustration with the assigned papers that absolutely must be finished ASAP.  So, I am washing dishes, cleaning, thinking as I work, jotting down the thoughts here.  Open documents on my computer? Why, the two assigned papers (still trying), and my journal for today of which this random piece is actually just one section. Hopefully, after my lovely little side track here, I will be able to again focus and get these papers finished...!!!
 

Weekend and this Week in a Nutshell

I had an amazing weekend with family! This was the first I got to go back since Christmas break! Everyone was able to be there! It was nice to catch up in person with everyone. It was lovely to be able to relax fully-very long daily naps, or multiple naps per day if shorter naps.

I enjoyed a homemade meal for supper-not even a crock pot one-a rarity these days. There are cookies in the oven, smelling wonderful! I am trying to avoid the state of being totally, completely overwhelmed...by choosing not to think about the full list of everything that has to be accomplished, or the short amount of time to accomplish said list. I had time to go home and write for awhile today between meetings and class-and ended up falling asleep until I was wakened coughing-still not over this crazy cold/cough. I am sadly confused regarding day of the week due to not coming back until Monday afternoon and not going in to work until yesterday. I have bright potential opportunities and am waiting to see what God does with me over the next few months as I strive to meet the various deadlines and remain resting peacefully in Him at the same time!

Another Successful Experiment!

I was in the mood for something sweet, but had limited ingredients on hand. I decided to use up some of the powdered sugar and cream cheese I had gotten on sale sometime...in not too ancient of history.

Normally when experimenting, I have a recipe, or two, or three...that I start from and make adjustments from there. Today I just started with 2 ingredients and modified from there based on how things were going...it was actually fun-especially since it turned out!

So, what was this recipe? Frosting-starting with cream cheese (Neufchatel, aka 1/3 less fat cream cheese) and powdered sugar. I didn't have much on hand that was I was going to be able to frost. No cookies, no cake, no graham crackers, or pretzels or any of the usual things I like to put frosting on. So, thinking through what might be OK with frosting added, the best options were the banana bran muffin batter in the fridge-bake a few muffins and frost while warm. Then, if extra frosting, I have both banana muffins and pumpkin muffins in the freezer. So, cream cheese frosting sounded like a nice accompaniment to any or all of these. Knowing what I do about flavor balance, I added a pinch of salt, then was debating what flavoring to use. I only have vanilla, almond and lemon flavoring on hand...almond didn't sound right with cream cheese and vanilla sounded too ordinary, so I opted for lemon. Lemon suits cream cheese very nicely! And, the frosting was delicious on a fresh hot banana bran muffin! Next question, just exactly how does frosting improve the health of an otherwise healthy snack? It doesn't, but it sure tastes good! :)

Recipe? Here goes, but since I was not basing it off anything, I of course also was not recording exactly what I did, so these are estimates.

Lemon Cream Cheese Frosting (not even remotely healthy)
1 8-oz pkg neufchatel cheese
~4? cups powdered sugar
pinch (~1/8 t) salt
1 t lemon flavor

Soften cream cheese and add sugar a cup a time. After first cup of sugar is mixed in, add salt and flavoring. I really do not know for sure how much sugar I used. I know I put in 2 cups. (I measured a cup, put it in the sifter and added it, repeated with another cup. Then forgot I was measuring before putting in the sifter and just dumped a bunch of sugar in the sifter...until full...and it is supposed to hold ~2 cups, hence my estimate of ~4 cups sugar.) Anyway, keep adding sugar a cup at a time until desired consistency. I wanted this a little on the soft, sticky side since I wanted it more as a glaze really than frosting. To test this recipe, I fixed a fresh muffin, topped with frosting while the muffin was still hot and allowed frosting to melt into muffin-amazingly delicious!

I may post the muffin recipe...later! :)

Thoughts on Health, or Lack thereof: New versus Old

I had a wonderful time with family over Christmas and New Year's. It was the longest break I have had in a couple of years and I thoroughly enjoyed it. My one goal was to get through the entire break without a single doctor appointment and I did it! (Pathetic goal, I know.)

So, break is over and now it is back to the real world. Life is super busy again. And…this is going to be another long post. I am trying to view the humorous side of things, so here goes!

I am still dealing with my crazy body and its tendency to want to try out every symptom it can think of, thus subjecting me to every test or procedure imaginable. One of these days I keep hoping I will figure out how to anticipate its crazy ideas and prevent it from acting them out. I keep thinking we have exhausted the possibilities, but apparently the only possibilities being exhausted are those for resolving things. Sigh. I wish my body weren't so terribly imaginative and creative. Unfortunately, it is far more so than I am-thus catching me by surprise with each new thing it decides to try out. I have tried ignoring it-but I deal with the consequences. I have tried pursuing treatment to stop it-but again I bear the consequences. So far, it is definitely winning this little battle. If it is trying to impress me with its broad range of ideas, or its ability to continually come up with new symptoms before the previous ones are even figured out, it is failing miserably-because I end up feeling miserable while dealing with all of this. Sometimes, I think I should try to guess its next move and prevent it. But other times, I think it safer NOT to try to think of anything else it might try-I don’t want to supply it with any further ideas. I wonder if it is aspiring to try out every single medical test in existence? Or, maybe it simply wants to meet every physician in Ames…and central IA…and eastern NE? I certainly hope not because I am literally sick and tired of testing…and procedures…and appointments…and new specialists…and more medications…and more therapies…I think this list conveys some of the idea. (I am very grateful for the many great providers I have; I am simply tired of the fact that this is part of my daily existence at present and most of the past year.) Basically, if a chronic illness is considered a second full time job (in terms of time and effort involved to manage things), then I am currently working so many full time jobs that I really should be being compensated accordingly…instead of having to pay for this privilege(?)! (Fortunately, I am not really paying much at present due to the “minor detail” that I already paid the maximum out-of-pocket amount for my insurance plan-within the first 2 months of the new insurance year. (last year it took ~8 months to reach that point.) Yay crazy body! *please note the heavy sarcasm* I try to provide this self-centered body with everything it needs to be healthy (good nutrition, adequate sleep, exercise, times of rest and relaxation, etc.), but instead of being grateful and content to be healthy, it goes and rewards my efforts with further displays of willful disregard by getting sick, or trying out some other random new symptom. In blatant rebellion, it refuses to accept the sleep I try to provide for it-it wakes me regularly every night-sometimes at the same times, sometimes to mix things up, it decides to try a variety of different times. Sometimes, it teases me by letting me almost get a full night of sleep, but then wakens me an hour before my alarm, but then won’t let me go back to sleep. Or, on other nights, it decides to wake me every 2 hours the first half of the night and every hour the second half. Then, it complains of being tired the next day. How does it think I feel? (OK, so it doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that my feelings count-if it even recognizes I have feelings.)

I am aware this was really random…but so am I sometimes. When things are crazy and out of my control, I often find it helpful to distance myself from whatever is causing the problems. I have done this for years with the chronic pain-I consider the pain to have its own set of likes and dislikes-often quite opposite to mine. For example, I enjoy thunder storms, snow storms, etc. Unfortunately, my neck and back do NOT and complain painfully when storms come-thus trying to take away some of my joy. Naturally, with all of the other health challenges over the past year, I began to think of my entire body as having a mind of its own. It clearly was not following my wishes. Hence, the preceding story! =)

Sometimes, I feel as if I am a mind trapped in a willful, recalcitrant body. However, when I think of this, it brings to mind the fact that really, this is not that far from the truth. As a child of God, He has put a new nature inside of this old body of flesh. The old nature is constantly striving with the new nature. The old may occasionally gain the upper hand, but the victory has already been won at the cross-the new nature wins in the end and that is what counts. When struggling with a tired, sick, weak human body that seems to be keeping my mind from doing what it would like, I need to remember how frustrating that is and when tempted to give in to the ways of the old nature, to instead choose to allow the new nature to rule the old nature.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Colossionas 3:10 (KJV)
And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

http://www.biblegateway.com/