Year End Thoughts

This is the last day of 2010! I am so ready for this year to end and the next to begin. New beginnings are like an opportunity to start over. The past year certainly had its challenges. God used them to teach me so many things. However, I still struggled so much with fear and doubt. I am praying to trust Him better.

There were so many times I wanted to know how much longer things would continue. Looking back on the past 11 months with still no end in sight makes me so grateful that I did not and do not know the duration. Had I known 11 months ago where things would be today it would have been even more tempting to just give up. Had I known 8 years ago that this would last this long and then inexplicably worsen 11 months ago, it would have been even harder to persevere. God truly is good, loving, faithful, and merciful in all He does! He upholds and carries me when things appear impossible. He sends encouragement when I am discouraged. He gives joy when things seem worst. He gives comfort, strength. On my own, I am completely incapable. In Him, I can do all things.

I failed so many times in the past months. I was short and irritable with others (family, friends, coworkers, etc.). I was negative in attitude. I was complaining. I dwelt on limitations rather than abilities I still have. I doubted and feared. I placed reliance on human means rather than God. I felt sorry for myself. I allowed myself to feel alone rather than look to the Lord for fellowship. So many times, He brought people to me for comfort, encouragement, and fellowship. He gave me joy. He gave me the strength to keep going. He showed Himself faithful in the midst of my failures.

My desperate plea and prayer is that I carry the lessons learned and victories won in the past year forward into the new year and leave behind the failures. I have no great expectations for complete healing or full relief. I do carry hope that in God’s strength I can endure to the end and bring glory to Him in all.

Blizzard!

I am nice and warm and cozy at home this evening even as the wind blows and the snow falls...and blows. Things are being canceled due to the blizzard outside. Inside, I am making cookies, finishing laundry, grading, listening to Christmas music, watching the snow, listening to the wind, washing dishes, and in general probably doing too many things at once! Yes, I really can hear the wind over the music.

It has been a good day. I have not gotten a lot done, but it has been good anyway. The weather has been bad, but it has still been a good day. I am learning that how "good" a day is has nothing to do with what happens on the day and everything to do with how I perceive it! Posted on my computer desktop is the verse, "This is the day the LORD has made;We will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24. God has made every day and given it to me. Rejoicing is a choice. I can choose to rejoice regardless of circumstances! Rejoicing in every day regardless of circumstances is not a new lesson. However, it has been a challenge to always choose to rejoice every day no matter what the day was like or what was going on. (See note about what is a bad day?) That note was exploring whether what I would typically think of as a bad day really was a bad day. I have decided they are not bad days. Again, it is a matter of perception and making choices.