What is this anniversary? The date of the car accident that first introduced me to constant, unending pain, moment after moment, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. October 24, 2002. Fifteen years. I have written about the anniversary before several years ago. This year is a little bit different. No, pain is not gone, no we do not have any cures, no we do not any hope of there ever being a cure, or of pain ever going away. However, some of those unanswered questions I had back then, have now been answered, at least in part. We now know why I do not heal, why I do not fully recover, why I will always have pain, fatigue, etc. It also explains earlier injures that would never heal, more recent injuries that are not healing. The diagnosis in March 2017 of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a genetic connective tissue disorder explains so much. Collagen and connective tissue are a large part of what the body is made of. When there are defects in collagen and the ensuing connective tissues, there will be issues throughout the body. In my case, it is ligaments, tendons, muscles, etc. that will not heal, or take decades to do so. It is painful joints. It is muscle pain and spasm. It is also gastrointestinal issues from the time I can remember, migraines, sinus infections, etc. A rather wide variety of seemingly unrelated issues, that are very much related--all caused by faulty connective tissue across multiple systems. It helps explain many of the challenges I have encountered after surgeries and other procedures as well, when puzzled with everything happening.
Over the years, God has taught me much. Surrender and submission has been a major theme or lesson. I have had to learn to let go of my independence, learn to accept and ask for help. I have had to let go of old ideas of how I identified myself. I decided very early on that pain was not going to define me. However, I had to acknowledge that pain still changed how I defined myself. I had always considered myself strong, independent, reliable, dependable. Pain and the related issues changed all of that--feels as if they took it all away. Yet, I still refused to be defined by pain. I still had my joy and could still choose to be cheerful even when feeling miserable. Over the many, many years, God has slowly used pain, fatigue, and the other issues to show me my true identity. This true identity is something that nothing can change and no one can change. It is secure, unchanging. What is it? I am God's child. He loves me, I am His. I have the sure hope of eternal life with Him in heaven one day--totally pain-free, new whole body, no more tears or suffering. Nothing can change that.
Looking back over the years, I can still say that God is good. He has sustained me through so much, He has faithfully provided, He has carried me when so weak I wanted to give up. He has been working in and on me through all. There is a reason and a purpose in all. I do not have to understand. I only have to trust. His grace is sufficient. He gives strength when I am weak.
These are just some of my favorite verses that have encouraged me through the years of pain and challenges.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7b-10 (NIV)
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.
1 Corinthians 15:10 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 (NIV)
The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17 (KJV)
Copyright © 2017 by Stef. All rights reserved.
I can relate so much to your story! I’ve dealt with chronic pain for over two years , I can’t imagine 15. You are truly an inspiration
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are on this journey, too. God gives the grace to live each moment of this life He has allowed and given me. At two years, I could not imagine even another year. Looking back now, it is God who has sustained and carried me.
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