Encouragement

I was in tears during my quiet time this morning as it was just so appropriate. I am reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It was given to me by my parents for Christmas this year and has been just what I needed. This morning’s reading had to do with spiritual blessings coming through trials and to rejoice in adverse circumstances. God gives peace regardless of the situation. As I was finishing reading, I received a message from my dad saying he had sent me an email and wishing me a great day. The email had a devotional thought that was also really encouraging and fitting. I was in tears again. It struck me how God is my heavenly Father and cares even more deeply than my dad-which is hard to imagine. It also struck me how just as my dad loves me and can send encouragement from a distance, God can reach me anywhere. It was such a refreshing time this morning after a discouraging evening and night. Below is part of the message from my dad. It made my day!

The Mind of God Toward You

There is never a time
when you're not in His thoughts,
never a time without grace,
never a time when He turns away
from any need you face.

There is never a time
when you're not in His heart,
never a time without love,
never a time when you're not blessed
with good things from above!

How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I wake, I am still with Thee. Psalm 139:17-18

Excerpt from the devotional gift book Always Loved by Roy Lessin (from DaySpring)

God is good beyond comprehension! As things go “wrong” or fail to resolve, I see ever more of His hand orchestrating things in ways I could not have believed possible. I have every reason to trust, so why is it so hard? The lessons He is teaching me at present are such that I would not trade. He is softening me. It seems as if I end up in tears during my quiet times every morning. Something always reaches me right where I am struggling and brings both conviction and comfort. He is showing me new depth and excitement in His Word.

A Letter in the Mail

This is a story from last week. Most of this is copied directly from my journal from that day. To set the stage a little bit, last week was really hard as were the weeks before it. I have had so many doctor appointments lately, that there are several doctor bills expected.

Last Thursday, I checked the mail when I got home mid afternoon-nothing. Funny, how there was an immediate relief of no bills and also disappointment of getting nothing. Apparently, I’m still a kid at heart who enjoys getting fun mail. It had been late enough in the day that the mail might have come, but early enough that it might not have come yet. So, I checked again later-one item, a Christmas card from my cousin and family with a current family picture! So fun! It made my day to get fun mail! The next day-same story. No mail when I first checked. I forgot until that evening. Again, one item-a letter-not a bill! I looked at it out of curiosity. It was postmarked in Des Moines, but had no return address. I opened it. There was a folded sheet of paper with a Scripture reference; 1 Peter 5:11. I looked it up after “reading” the letter. “To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” So, what was the letter? The sheet of paper was actually blank other than the reference. Wrapped inside the paper was a $100 bill. I cried. I was amazed at the goodness of God and His people and humbled that He would reach out to insignificant me. It was a reminder that He will make everything work out for the best. He can do anything. He is good beyond comprehension. I don’t know who sent it, but God does. God gets the glory and this special person gets a heavenly reward. I felt so reassured that everything will be alright. There has been so much fear and doubt even though I try so hard to trust. I know that I don’t need to struggle and instead need to rest in the victory I already have in Christ. It is so hard. God is faithful and so patient with me. I don’t know His full plan and purpose but He does and that is enough. This was just such a reassuring reminder of what God can do.

In a crazy week that started with me still so sick from medication side effects that I was unable to function at a very good level and ended with me having to stop every medication other than the over the counter pain killers and feeling like I was back at the beginning and starting over, God reminded me that He is here with me. He not only knows about this, He knew it was coming. He prepared someone to send me a reminder of His goodness in time to get it when I was at a low point and be encouraged. It isn’t even the money that has me excited. It is the thought and reminder that God can do anything through His people who are yielded and willing. I still get tears as I think and write about it. God is so good!

Update on Mom: Praise!

Good news! My mom received the results of her most recent scans. There is still no sign of cancer in her liver and the bone scans are also still stable. Praise the Lord for answered prayer! She has the option of stopping chemotherapy for awhile for which she is very grateful. There are still decisions regarding what treatment to pursue at this time for maintenance. Prayer is appreciated for wisdom for these decisions. She will have scans again in April. Thank you all who have so faithfully prayed for my mom and family!

A New Year!

A chance for a new beginning. An opportunity to put the past behind me. There is a fine line between learning from the past and dwelling on the past to the exclusion of the present…and future.

Today has not gone as intended. But then, I can’t remember the last time a day did go as planned. This is just another opportunity to learn to be more flexible.

The past few weeks have gone so fast, yet not fast enough at the same time. So many changes have taken place many of which I am still struggling to adjust to. The Lord has been opening some doors and I am following. I am curious to see where He takes me. He has given new hope. There are so many unknowns in the future and so many decisions that will need to be made at various times. I am in a position that makes it impossible to plan very far ahead at present. Since I am ordinarily one who prefers to have everything planned ahead to the last detail this state of things has been a growing point. Learning to let go of my vain attempts to control things and instead follow God’s lead is hard for me. I love to know what will happen next. God loves to teach me ever more about absolute trust! He already knows and has my future fully planned. I simply must follow Him.

Year End Thoughts

This is the last day of 2010! I am so ready for this year to end and the next to begin. New beginnings are like an opportunity to start over. The past year certainly had its challenges. God used them to teach me so many things. However, I still struggled so much with fear and doubt. I am praying to trust Him better.

There were so many times I wanted to know how much longer things would continue. Looking back on the past 11 months with still no end in sight makes me so grateful that I did not and do not know the duration. Had I known 11 months ago where things would be today it would have been even more tempting to just give up. Had I known 8 years ago that this would last this long and then inexplicably worsen 11 months ago, it would have been even harder to persevere. God truly is good, loving, faithful, and merciful in all He does! He upholds and carries me when things appear impossible. He sends encouragement when I am discouraged. He gives joy when things seem worst. He gives comfort, strength. On my own, I am completely incapable. In Him, I can do all things.

I failed so many times in the past months. I was short and irritable with others (family, friends, coworkers, etc.). I was negative in attitude. I was complaining. I dwelt on limitations rather than abilities I still have. I doubted and feared. I placed reliance on human means rather than God. I felt sorry for myself. I allowed myself to feel alone rather than look to the Lord for fellowship. So many times, He brought people to me for comfort, encouragement, and fellowship. He gave me joy. He gave me the strength to keep going. He showed Himself faithful in the midst of my failures.

My desperate plea and prayer is that I carry the lessons learned and victories won in the past year forward into the new year and leave behind the failures. I have no great expectations for complete healing or full relief. I do carry hope that in God’s strength I can endure to the end and bring glory to Him in all.

Blizzard!

I am nice and warm and cozy at home this evening even as the wind blows and the snow falls...and blows. Things are being canceled due to the blizzard outside. Inside, I am making cookies, finishing laundry, grading, listening to Christmas music, watching the snow, listening to the wind, washing dishes, and in general probably doing too many things at once! Yes, I really can hear the wind over the music.

It has been a good day. I have not gotten a lot done, but it has been good anyway. The weather has been bad, but it has still been a good day. I am learning that how "good" a day is has nothing to do with what happens on the day and everything to do with how I perceive it! Posted on my computer desktop is the verse, "This is the day the LORD has made;We will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24. God has made every day and given it to me. Rejoicing is a choice. I can choose to rejoice regardless of circumstances! Rejoicing in every day regardless of circumstances is not a new lesson. However, it has been a challenge to always choose to rejoice every day no matter what the day was like or what was going on. (See note about what is a bad day?) That note was exploring whether what I would typically think of as a bad day really was a bad day. I have decided they are not bad days. Again, it is a matter of perception and making choices.

Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving, or giving thanks, is a choice. We are to give thanks in all (1 Thes. 5:18). Below is a list of blessings that I wrote out last summer. I found it today when looking for something else and was blessed all over again. This seemed like an appropriate topic to share so close to the Thanksgiving holiday.

Blessings
July 25 2010

God is good and faithful in all He does. Sometimes, from our small human perspective, we lose sight of Him and the eternal goal. It is a choice to remember that He is sovereign and that whatever He sends or allows are gifts and to be accepted with thankfulness.

Instead of getting frustrated and discouraged with the current situation, I am trying to think of everything I am grateful for. The following list is not necessarily in any particular order, but simply as things came to mind.

I am grateful for:
-My wonderful, supportive, loving family. They pray for me and let me talk/cry through situations with them. I was raised in a loving, God-fearing home!
-My extended family is also a blessing!
-Friends! I have such great friends in so many places. All have been an encouragement to me, and a support in hard times.
-Church families: The first one in Lincoln, NE where I grew up, then Tulsa, OK when I was staying with Mom when she was in aggressive cancer treatment in 2001, then Council Bluffs, IA during my internship, now Ankeny, IA.
-Bible study groups: college and career that meets in Ames, the small ladies’ fellowship group on ISU campus, the ladies’ study through Lake Country. These all are a refreshment and encouragement to me.
-co workers who go out of their way to help me out.
-friends in similar situations to mine. While it is hard to deal with suffering and pain on a daily basis and to know others are also, it is a HUGE encouragement to have others who are in the same circumstances and fully understand all of it. It is such an encouragement to be able to share the lessons that God has taught through otherwise hard times.

Then there are also the little things that can seem really big:
-a day with low enough pain levels that I don’t need medication to manage it.
- the days with high pain levels when I have to cry out to God for the strength to get through each moment.
-a physician or therapist who really listens and works with me.
-swimming! I don’t hurt when I’m in water!

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father Who watches over me unceasingly!