This was the first week of the semester and it has been an interesting
week. I am still processing a lot of
things. Just as a new semester is
starting and I’m trying to figure out how to balance things with a new schedule,
I learn I have a new health condition (likely chronic) on top of the already
existing chronic health conditions. I feel as
if my body is sabotaging every effort to be productive and live life as
normally as possible. Fully normal is
impossible. There are simply too many
limitations and various therapies required to maintain my optimal level of
function which is still significantly less than my previous normal ability. But, any hopes of things getting better in
the near future came crashing down in light of adding something new rather
than resolving or improving anything already existing. I was honestly really frustrated with my body
much of this week. I released most of the
excess frustration via exercise and as a result set new personal records for
pace in both swimming and walking. I had
interpreted my ability to set new endurance exercise records as an indicator
that the fatigue has lessened somewhat.
However, the past couple of days now there have been indications that I
was overdoing it and actually contributed to a setback. Sigh. No
matter how hard I try to support my body and balance everything in my life, it
seems like I always mess things up and end up making things worse. (See this post for last year's processing of health issues.)
I have already been through the acceptance and grieving processes
as a result of the limitations that accompany chronic pain. However, I have only partially dealt with the
effects of the other chronic conditions (their very existence, specific
limitations they bring, time required to manage things, etc.). I don’t even want to think about having to
deal with yet another new condition. (I’m
getting teary as I type this…so, probably getting some beneficial release and processing
just from writing out my thoughts, feelings, and emotions over things right
now.)
I know God has a purpose and plan in all He allows. I do not need to understand His reasons
now. Instead, I only need to trust Him.
Romans
8:28
King James Version (KJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them
that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
