8 weeks: Time-consuming and Tedious

Or, another fitting title could have been "Flare-up and Frustration."

This has been a challenging week.  I was trying so hard to be positive and optimistic about the start of a new semester but ended up more apprehensive than anything.  Apparently my gut instincts are still right--I was not ready to increase the pace yet. There have been a lot of non-surgery recovery related stressors in the past couple of weeks as well and this has not helped.

There were some discouraging days.  It feels as if progress has slowed to a standstill.  Things still take more time than before surgery as I am slower, and things feel more tedious when it takes so long.  There were some more setbacks.  Everything decided to flare the same time the weekend before the semester started.  Some of this made sense in hindsight, some still seems random.  Regardless, it meant I got off to a really rough start. It seems that progress is slowing and it is harder to see the progress.  So thankful for a physical therapist who knows me and my body and the numerous challenges.  She had seen this situation coming.  The challenge is figuring out how to manage everything at once.  What the recovering hip needs is hard on the "good" hip, what the "good" hip needs the recovering hip is not ready to handle yet, then add in neck, back, shoulder, etc.

I am choosing to still focus on what I can do and what is going well.  I can do so much again really! I may be slow, but I can do things! I can walk and that is getting better with each day.  I can swim laps, I can walk in the pool, I can clean, cook, etc.  There are still restrictions, thus still some things that I cannot (or should not) do, thus I still need help with some tasks. But, these are getting less with each week.

I have my first follow up appointment with the surgeon next week and am curious to hear what he thinks of progress thus far.  I hope to hear things are going alright, but expecting to hear that things are proceeding slowly.

I am so thankful for a physical therapist who knows me, knows my body and its many complexities, knows how to work with it, knows the rehab for this surgery, and can somehow figure out how to keep me moving forward when it feels like my whole body is rebelling.

It has been a while since I have mentioned specific prayer requests.  Please pray for patience and endurance for me during this time when it feels like progress is slow and when I am overwhelmed with so much at once. Please pray for healing as my body continues to recover and grow stronger again.  Please pray for wisdom for all of the surgeons, other physicians, therapists, and others involved in my care.  They are all aware that things are complicated and that a lot is going on, but it can make it challenging to sort out what to do. Please pray that in all God is glorified.

Copyright © 2016 by Steph. All rights reserved.

Slow and Steady: 7 weeks

It is hard to believe the semester is nearly here!  It is also hard to believe I am already (and also only) 7 weeks post op.  I am still doing really well overall, but also still running into challenges.  The major challenges this past week actually had nothing to do with surgery at all other than that any stressor is going to affect recovery indirectly.

Progress feels slower.  I am not sure if that is because as I regain strength and ability, the increases become smaller proportionally?  Or, if progress actually is slower because of the challenges with the "good" hip and back?  Either way I have to remember that any forward progress is good regardless of pace and that the end goal--full recovery--needs to remain my focus and not how fast (or slowly) I am getting there.

Walking is getting better with each day but is still slow.  I can actually swim laps again!  Pace is slow (because of not kicking), but I can do it!  I was cleared to try elliptical, but only for a few minutes to start with and see how it goes--it went fine.  Lots of little steps in the right direction. Slowly, but steadily, making progress.

There are still lots of restrictions in place.  It is hard trying to balance newly regained ability with wanting to get back to normal with the continued restrictions. I am intentionally choosing to focus on what I can do and not on the limitations and restrictions.

I was recalling that early on I was trying to find at least one new thing I could do each day.  Somewhere along the way I forgot about this  I am still finding new things I can do but not certain if it is every day.  There is also the gradual return to more normal ways of doing things and gradual return to more of my normal routine. Although in process of returning to routine, there is still a lot that is unpredictable.  There is also apparently the gradual return to overdoing it.  This evening let me know I attempted too much today. Lots of ice and rest. Grateful for the weekend.

Copyright © 2016 by Steph. All rights reserved.

Week 6: Roller Coaster

Lots more highs and lows this week--it felt sort of like a roller coaster.  I was able to completely get rid of the crutches, and was given new exercises early in the week.  This was exciting and encouraging! However, the supposedly "good" hip threw a fit and kept me awake with pain all that night.  That resulted in me being told to back off the new exercises for now.  It is so frustrating when the "good" hip is slowing progress with rehabbing the hip that had surgery.  Seriously? (I was told the good hip is still carrying more load and needs time to calm down and we need to keep working on getting the other hip stronger.  It just will take a different approach if the "good" hip is not tolerating things. Sigh.)

Walking still feels weird and off as if something is not quite right and normal yet, but I am told gait looks good.  One explanation was that I had "walked" with a limp and with pain for three years prior to surgery so my body does not remember what pain-free, normal walking feels like.  A very careful evaluation identified some minor issues but these appear to be from muscle imbalances from atrophy. (It would not surprise me if there is apprehension at a subconscious level on my part as well as I learned to protect that joint for 3 years and it is hard to unlearn something like that all at once.)

This was one of those weeks where I had eight medical appointments, four all in one day.  I found out some things I was not anticipating.  More testing in process.  More medication changes in process. A little overwhelmed with actualities and possibilities. It is what it is.  It will be OK. Or, at least that is what I am telling myself.

I realized a week or so ago that I was four months out from the last cortisone injection and thus when I would have been allowed to get another injection if I had not had surgery.  However, I also realized that this is the first time I have not been barely hanging on and just trying to survive life until I can get another injection and start to move again. Yay!  So, surgery is already more effective than injections! I hoped it would be but had not expected to see it until later in the recovery process.  This is really encouraging!

PT later in the week went better. I was given modified versions of the exercises from earlier in the week plus some more new exercises, but some of these were ones I had done all of the time before surgery and were not really hip-focused--they had just required the hip to be stronger again before trying.  I still find it interesting how excited I get to be going back to things I used to do all of the time without thinking. Novelty? Marker of progress? Just the gradual removal of limitations and restrictions?  The return to normal routine?

Today marks 6 weeks post op and I was told I could try swimming!!!!  So, so, so excited!  I have been waiting for this  (and asking about this) for quite some time.  I was told to start slow and try just hanging onto the side and kicking and see how it feels.  Then, just freestyle for now as there is no way the hip is ready to try whip kick yet. The first attempt went really well!  Kicking hanging onto the side was fine but boring, so that lasted a matter of seconds.  I took off across to the other side of the diving well (staying out of the lap swimming lanes as I knew I'd be slow, and knew I did not want to be accidentally bumped by another swimmer). Freestyle actually went really well!  It felt so good to be actually swimming again!!!!  Yes, I am slow and awkward as kick is weak or non-existent, but I am swimming!  I did freestyle but did not want to wear out the irritated shoulder so did breaststroke with no kick at all (kept surgical side leg supported and still with my good leg so that neither was doing any work--especially since "good" hip is not really doing that great and breaststroke is what pushed it over the edge back in February).  The swimming was a great way to celebrate being 6 weeks post-op!  It was also a great way to end a somewhat frustrating week.

I came up with a new way to put into words my views on the recovery process that combines the various themes I have been working from since even before surgery.  The emphasis is still on being slow and careful and not letting impatience carry me away.  The new way I am thinking of things is that recovery is not a race to see how fast I can recover, but rather a journey to see how well I can recover.  Thus it is worth taking things at whatever pace I am able to do and not try to rush things along.

Although there were some really encouraging and really disappointing things that happened this week, overall, it was a good week,  I am still making forward progress, I am doing better in some ways than before surgery even though I still have a lot of healing and rehab to do yet.  I am encouraged and still hopeful.  I am also curious how the rest of this journey will unfold.

Copyright © 2016 by Steph. All rights reserved. 

Highs and Lows: Week 5

This week was characterized by highs and lows. There were some very discouraging and disappointing things, but also some very exciting things.  I knew last weekend that this was going to be an interesting week (challenging or difficult would perhaps be more precise adjectives, but as always, trying to be positive).

I started out the week very discouraged and really struggling as my body (especially neck, back, bad shoulder, arms, hands, "good" hip) was just done even trying to move with crutches but I was still non-weight bearing.  For someone who does not like to be still, it was hard to have a body that did not want to move at all. Then, I found out that I got to try walking without crutches!  And, it went well enough to get to use only one crutch for a few days then down to no crutches later in the week at home.  (I still have to have one crutch when out and around.) I was so excited and relieved! My body is also relieved at the reprieve!  

New things I have discovered that I can do in the past week include putting on socks and tying shoes! (Maybe not in normal ways yet, but I can at least get them on!)

I am back to walking in the pool, PT exercises in the pool and loving being in water.  I have also practiced walking up and down stairs in the pool.  The walking and stairs practice in the pool has made walking and stairs on land much easier. Because I can now stand on both feet, I am also back to some of the other exercises I was doing before surgery that help with managing the other chronic pain plus keeping up overall flexibility and strength.  It feels really good to be gradually shifting ever closer to pre-op normal routines. I am also finally able to get back to some of the other therapies and resources and with their aid starting to make more progress with the neck, back, and shoulder pain issues.  

There were some disappointments this week.  I had the opportunity to get a ride back to Nebraska to see family.  I have not been back since Christmas break.  However, the consensus was that as challenging as I had found sitting through class the previous week, that travel this soon was maybe too early and more of a concern.  So, I made the hard choice to stay home rather than risk a setback.  I then ended up sleeping 12-13 hours both nights and figure my body needed the rest of a weekend at home doing nothing other than sleep and PT exercises (or that is what it felt like I did the entire weekend).

Those who know me, know I like to be independent and test limits.  I am and have been as compliant as I know how to be.  However, the disappointment of having to stay home this weekend led to pushing against all other limits that fell under what I considered to be “safe” limits to push against.  So, I worked on campus both morning and afternoon Friday, was right at the maximum time limits for all of the exercises thus far.  (Maybe exceeded maximum times a little—mostly on accident, but possibly not being as careful of time as usual.)  I want so badly to exceed some of the other limits and know my body can and almost 100% certain the hip can also handle it but because I was told very clearly what that limit was, I am still observing it, but right at it, never under it.  (Note (8/7/16): this was written Friday and since then I have quite unintentionally exceeded limits a few times.  I use my phone as both stopwatch and timer and intentionally use a timer to prevent exceeding the time limits I have been told to observe.  Except, my phone had issues so I restarted it and it forgot it was timing and it did not occur to me to check—oops. No idea how long I was on the bike but know it was longer than the limit.  Then, got a phone call later and knew the timer was set and running so thought I was ok.  Except that when the timer went off while on the phone, it sounded the same as incoming text message so I ignored it and ended up significantly exceeding time limit.  Oops.  Another time, I started the timer but it seemed like a really long time so checked—and for some reason the timer had not ever started.  Oops.  So, moral of the story is, I do know with 100% certainty that my body and hip both can handle longer times.  I will dutifully go back to staying within limits but will also be communicating by how much I accidentally exceeded limits and see if limits can be increased again.)

Something that was a concern before surgery and is still a concern is the “good” hip.  It has always gotten sore every time the bad hip flared even before surgery, but being on crutches so long was really hard on it.  I have been hoping that getting off crutches will let it calm down, but so far, the “good” hip is more painful than the hip that had surgery, which does not actually hurt at all anymore.  I am not worrying, so much as watching.

On the positive, I had been a little apprehensive that weaning off crutches would increase pain in the hip that had surgery as it was finally having to carry weight again.  But so far, so good!  It will get twinges at times, and it was a tad sore and achy early on, but for the most part feels absolutely nothing!  It still seems so weird for it not to feel pain!

Overall, I am still making good progress.  Yes, there are highs and lows, but this is true of any situation.  I am still choosing to focus on what is going well and learn from what is not going as well.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJV)

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Copyright © 2016 by Steph. All rights reserved.  

One Month

I know I just posted an update yesterday, but most of it was written Friday.  Also a LOT changed between yesterday and today!  Amazing how much things can change between 4 weeks and one month.

What I wrote yesterday in my journal:
"4 weeks post op and tired and grouchy. The hip is still doing really well, but the other chronic pain (neck, back, shoulder, other hip) is fed up with being on crutches and complaining rather loudly. :( I finally cried for the first time since surgery this morning. I am still wiped out from class and having to be on campus last week, but did not sleep well. So, I woke tired and stiff and my hands, arms, and shoulder did not want to bear my weight with the crutches. I was home from church yet again and honestly cannot recall the last time I was able to go as I had not been in over a month before surgery either."

Then this morning, my arms were more willing to carry my weight but my "good" hip was not wanting to carry my weight. I also woke with the surgical hip swollen again even though I had been careful and used the weekend to rest and recover from last week. So, I started out this morning pretty frustrated and discouraged as well.

I went to the pool and walked in the water and that seemed to go OK. I had physical therapy this afternoon. She had started to have me put weight on the hip last week, but only partial and only a few seconds at a time. Today she had me practice walking! I started holding onto the railing, then with one crutch, then with nothing! I can actually walk! I was pretty weak and shaky with no crutches and gait was off so for now I have to keep one crutch, but it is only one crutch and it is not supposed to have much weight through it! Oh, and no more purple leg as of this afternoon! It was very purple this morning but not now! So, putting weight back on it really is helping!

I went from really discouraged this morning to really excited this afternoon! Yay for a huge step! Alright, so I actually take small steps, but pretty excited to be taking any steps! I know this is a process and I know to be careful and not push limits. I was warned that although some of my joints and muscles will be very grateful to be off crutches, others will not like and will let me know. I am so grateful to be moving on to this next stage of recovery and rehab!

Copyright © 2016 by Steph. All rights reserved.