I know the title probably sounds completely unrelated to recovery from surgery. However, it is very much related. I had class all of this past week. Class has been challenging for years as both sitting and standing bother me. I had talked with the surgeon and physical therapist and neither were optimistic that I'd be able to handle sitting through class this early after surgery. One suggestion was standing...but I have circulation issues on the operative leg whenever I stand very long--as in the leg turns purple and cold. I was as proactive as I knew how to be. I had ice packs with me, the pillow I had used to sit on before surgery, etc. But...I still ran into issues with increased swelling, plus getting sore and achy. I also encountered an unanticipated challenge: how utterly exhausting it was to get around campus on crutches. I was completely wiped out the first day.
Choices. I had to make choices on some hard things this week. I had to choose not to attend class one day in order to let my body have the rest it needed. I had to choose not to attend a picnic I had been looking forward to for the same reasons--my body was not up to going. Instead of class, I ended up with a doctor appointment to check the swelling and circulation issues. The swelling was down by then. However, the circulation issues were very evident without me even drawing attention to them--the leg was obviously purple and it was cold to touch. the conclusion was it needs weight on it and it should get better once it is weight bearing again.
Caution versus curiosity. These have been one of my challenges for years. I am a weird mix of super cautious--afraid to try things, with really curious--wondering what happens if I try and testing limits. The initial stage after surgery finds me super cautious and almost afraid to move. Thereafter, things start to shift and I start trying things partly to see what I can do, partly just to test what the actual limit is. I do not like limitations and restrictions. I have lived with them much of the past 14 years. I understand their purpose in some instances and am as compliant as I know how to be. But the more restrictions in place, the harder I start to fight for more independence--still complying as well as I can, but finding other ways to be as independent as possible.
I would say that overall, things are still going well. But, I also have to admit that this has been the most challenging week yet. Swelling returned with the sitting for class, the hip actually got sore and achy this week as well--suspected to be a combination of sitting, and adding weight onto it. My neck, back, shoulder, both hands, right hip are really, really tired and getting more uncomfortable with each day. It is hard to want to even move sometimes. Friday evening--the first time I was actually discouraged from surgery related issues other than being tired. Monday I almost cried myself to sleep from exhaustion. Friday was getting discouraged because things were tired, sore, achy. It was harder to want to move at all. I sort of felt as if things are going backward right now.
Exciting things: I was in the pool 4 days this week! I was able to drive myself to class. I accomplished things that I did not think I could yet. I also did some things that I probably should not have done yet. After another rough night and discouraging morning, I made a list of all of the positive things. That helped. I know that in the grand scheme, things are actually still going very well and I really do not have much to complain about. I do have much to be grateful for and I am choosing to focus on these.
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