On Grief and Acceptance

The image is based on the Stages of Grief by Kubler-Ross. I have definitely been through the acceptance process multiple times as I have learned ever more about not just surviving chronic pain, but also learning to live life fully in spite of chronic pain. And, in my case, it gets harder each time as all losses of ability are cumulative. There is no such thing as "practice makes perfect" for this.

Then, with the death of my mother 6 months ago, learning even more at a far deeper level--certainly not through it yet. With this loss, things are still too new and deep for full acceptance to even seem possible.

Crock Pot Recipes

I have not written in a long time.  Life has continued, but has been busy and difficult. This past week was challenging and exhausting, but I still have two more weeks of the semester. I needed to get my cooking done, but also needed to get other chores done, plus school work. So, of course that meant the cooking was crock pot.  I started breakfast before I went to bed last night and woke to my home smelling like pumpkin pie this morning and breakfast ready!  I then started soup for supper.  I love that I can put everything into the crock pot in just a few minutes, then let it do the rest of my work for me.

Crock Pot Vegetable Beef Soup

  
  1 64-ounce jar vegetable juice (such as V8) 

  1 pound ground beef (I put it in raw and let it cook--it works fine and saves a step)

  2 pounds frozen mixed veggies 

  1 teaspoon onion powder

  ¼ teaspoon garlic powder 

  1 teaspoon celery salt 

  1 spoonful beef base or beef bouillon (optional)

 
Put all ingredients in the crock pot. Cook on high ~6-8 hours. I usually add ~2/3 of the juice, then the meat, veggies, seasonings, then the rest of the juice later. Beef can be browned and drained in advance and I do this with anything less than 93% lean. When using it raw, I break it in pieces when I add it. I did once put a pound of frozen ground turkey in and it thawed and cooked fine--I just had to break it into pieces later.

Crock Pot Pumpkin Spice Oatmeal
(modified from a recipe I saw online)

3.5 to 4 cups milk
1 cup steel cut oats
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg,
¼ teaspoon each ginger, all spice, cloves
 
Spray crock pot with cooking spray.  Put all ingredients in the crock pot and stir to mix.  Cook 8 hours on low. I serve it with a little pure maple syrup.

I spray the crock first with non-stick spray to make clean-up easier. This recipe can also be made on the stove, but if so, it needs stirring occasionally. On the stove, cook until desired tenderness. I have made a double batch on the stove but I have not tried a double batch in crock pot yet.

Source of original recipe:

http://skinnyms.com/overnight-slow-cooker-pumpkin-pie-steel-cut-oats-no-sugar-added/

Finally Home: Dorothy Kratzer, 1950-2014

Copied from my sister Lori's update on Facebook posted earlier this morning:

Finally Home: Dorothy Kratzer, 1950-2014

June 3, 2014 at 11:41am

Our lovely mother, Dorothy Kratzer, went to be with her lovely Savior, Jesus Christ, early this morning.
My dad and all her daughters were with her when she left.

I go to prepare a place for you.And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. - John 14:2-3

"But just think of stepping on shore-And finding it Heaven!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God's!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!"
-Don Wyrtzen

May 30, 2014: Update on My Mom

Copied from my sister Lori's update she posted earlier this morning:

Strength for the Day: Update on Dorothy Kratzer - May 30, 2014

May 30, 2014 at 7:36am

As your days, so shall your strength be.– Deuteronomy 33:25

Mom’s body is very weak. Every day there seems to be some small thing that she is no longer able to manage. It is difficult for her tospeak and sometimes even breathing seems to be tedious.

Last night, the Lord brought the verse above to mind and comforted with these thoughts:
He will continue to give Mom strength for each day, each moment, each breath right up until her last.
He will continue to give Dad and the rest of us strength for each new turn in this difficult path.

Some thoughts that Dad shared with me yesterday:
When we follow where He leads, we are on His path.
It isn’t the wrong path, but the path that He has put before us.
Wherever He calls us to follow, He goes before and walks beside us.

Praise the Lord with us for His promises and His strength.
Pray that we would continue to take hold of God’s strength for each moment.

Update on Mom May 2014

The following was written and posted on Facebook by my sister, Lori:

Update on Dorothy Kratzer – May 2014

May 23, 2014 at 7:28pm

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” – Psalm 34:7

Mom begins hospice care today. While there may still be plenty of time left for us to spend with her, the little moments have become very precious. We are resting in God’s goodness at this time.

We are thankful that we were able to all be together as a family earlier this month when Mom was still in the hospital.

We are thankful that she was well enough to attend Ellen’s graduation on May 17 and stand with her when she received her diploma.

We are thankful that Stef was able to be home for a whole week and spend some time with Mom.

We are thankful that all of Mom’s siblings were able to come today for a visit. She was blessed by the time they had together.

We are thankful that Mom has been feeling a little better the past couple of days. 

More than anything...
We are thankful that God is good and that He holds Mom in His hands.

Updates on Mom April and May 2014

Much of this has been copied directly from Facebook update posts over the past few days.

4/29/14 evening:
Update on my mom and prayer request: my mom is going in for a liver biopsy tomorrow morning. They will give her platelets beforehand to try to avoid excessive bleeding as her counts have been low. The doctors have not wanted to start the new chemotherapy until they know what is going on with her liver. Please pray the test gives an accurate portrayal of what is going on and for wisdom for the doctors to know how best to proceed. Please pray for strength and healing for my mom as well.

4/30/14 early evening:
Please keep praying. My mom had the procedure, but is now bleeding internally. They are trying to find where the bleeding is in order to get it stopped. She will be staying in the hospital overnight tonight. Prayers are greatly appreciated!

4/30/14 later evening (few hours later):
Thank you so much! I just heard from my dad with an update on my mom. They got the bleeding stopped, my mom is stable and was moved to critical care for overnight.

5/1/14 early evening:

Update on my mom: I just talked with my dad and my mom is still in the hospital and will be kept overnight tonight as well, but she has been moved from critical care to a regular floor.  Her blood pressure and blood counts have been holding steady today.  However, she lost a lot of blood and it took a lot to get levels up again.  Additionally, challenges with getting adequate nutrition continue with new ones added from the recent events.  Prayer for ongoing healing are still needed.  She should hopefully learn the results of the liver biopsy next week. I believe they are still waiting to start the new chemotherapy until after they know the results of the biopsy, so please continue to pray for wisdom for the doctors.

5/2/14 late morning:

Update on my mom again: My dad just let me know that the liver biopsy shows cancer in her liver. They are keeping her in the hospital again tonight to make sure her blood levels stay stable. Please keep praying for her. Thank you!

Update on Mom April 2014

Written and posted on Facebook April 16, 2014 by my sister, Lori.

As many of you know, doctors found cancer in my mom's bone marrow in
January (this happened before in 2012). This has meant weekly trips to
the clinic for chemo treatments and to the hospital for blood or
platelets. Mom has been on several different courses of antibiotics for
possible infection during this time.

At the end of March, Mom completed her first round of the new
chemotherapy. God worked it out that her week "off" coincided with some
special family events. She got to stand on the stage when Ellen
was recognized with the other graduates at the Nebraska homeschool
convention. Scott, Hannah, and their girls, and Stephanie were also home
that weekend, so she was able to enjoy some special time with family.

The past couple of weeks have been particularly difficult. Mom has had
some pain and weakness in her legs and has continued to need platelets
and red cell transfusions. Last night, after about 10 hours in the
hospital, Mom's doctor told her that basically the chemo she is on is
not working. They are going to let her take this week off and then start
a new chemo treatment next week.

Please pray:

1) For the doctors to select a chemo that will be effective

2) For relief from pain, energy for daily tasks, and strength to handle the new chemo

3) For a better appetite so that she can get needed nourishment

4) Opportunities to speak of Christ in the many interactions with doctors, etc.


Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!

A special moment with Grandma during their visit in March.

Update on Mom February 2014

This is an update and a prayer request.  My mom received the results of her bone marrow biopsy.  It confirmed what we had already been guessing—the cancer is back in her bone marrow again.  She has been needing transfusions to help with low hemoglobin and platelet counts.  The plan at this time is to change to a different chemotherapy.  She will also continue to receive transfusions as needed until blood counts stabilize.  With the low blood counts, she is often tired.  Please pray for strength and healing for my mom.