Conflicting Thoughts

Conflicting thoughts really sums up my quiet time readings that I referred to in my previous post. Contrasts are something that usually catch my attention and this was no exception.

I had read from Daily Light first, then my Bible. A little background information may help put things into perspective as well. At my last appointment with the specialist, I had a friend with me to be an extra set of ears. She had asked if chronic pain ever went away and the physician responded that it did not in his experience. This was both hard and good for me to hear. Hard from the perspective that this was a professional opinion that this is what I will be dealing with the rest of my life. Good in that even after nearly 8 years, I keep clinging to the hope that one day the pain will go away and not come back. This gave a more realistic view of the situation. The following are my readings from the morning of October 6, 2010.

From Daily Light:
"The Lord God omnipotent reigneth." "I know that thou canst do everything." "The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." "Abba Father, all things are possible unto thee." "According to your faith be it unto you." "Be strong and courageous, be not afraid nor dismayed, ...there be more with us than with him." (Revelation 19:6, Job 42:2, Luke 18:27, Mark 14:6, Matthew 9:29, 2 Chronicles 32:7.)
My thoughts after reading this: I have no cause for fear. I have a loving heavenly Father Who can do anything. He has allowed/given me the pain. He can take it away/heal me if that is best. If not, He gives me the grace and strength to get through each moment.
My actual overall perspective was that even if the physician thinks of complete healing as impossible, God can do the impossible. God can heal me if He chooses! Yet, maybe I am lacking in faith? One of the verses refers to healing according to measure of faith. I do honestly believe God can do anything. However, after years of living with pain, possibly my faith in the specific healing in this area has weakened? (Another contrast: I keep hoping to one day be free from pain, yet as the years go by, I think of it as less likely.)

From my Bible reading that same morning:
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (A passage that I have found very encouraging over the years. The timing of it coming right after the earlier readings and thoughts struck me.)
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassingly great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then am I strong."
My thoughts on these verses that morning:
These verses are so encouraging! They fit especially well after reading/writing from Daily Light this morning. God knows what He is doing. I do not need to know his reason/plan. I do need to trust and rest in Him. (I'm kind of afraid to pray for healing as I'm not sure of God's goal with the pain for me.)

After the earlier readings, I was thinking of renewing my prayers for complete healing from the pain. After the later readings, I was afraid to pray for healing. God has done so much in me through it. He must still have some purpose in it. (I am fine with others praying for my healing! I am just uncertain enough to pray for it on my own behalf.)

The contrast between the two sets of verses and corresponding thoughts really caught my attention. This is "conflict" that God can bring into agreement, but that I cannot.