This date (October 24, 2002) is one my body will not let me forget. I have written about this date and what happened in the past. The last time I wrote about it was five years ago. I finally had some answers at that point. Enough has happened over the past five years that it is interesting to reflect back again now. On this date 20 years ago, my life was changed in a split second by a random stranger. The car I was driving was struck from behind by another car. The other driver was not paying attention. I was fully stopped, waiting to make a turn. The other car was traveling at full speed. The impact totaled both vehicles. The impact also introduced me to never-ending chronic pain. I already had a history of non-healing injuries, but nothing that matched neck and back pain that never gave me a break. Chiropractic, physical therapy, and other treatment strategies only provided partial relief. I longed to know when I would get better, back to normal. The initial prognosis was three months to give my body time to recover. Three months came and went and I was not better. After I passed the 6-month mark, I was told it was chronic pain and it might not ever get better. I was not prepared to even contemplate never getting better. I clung to hope that someday, somehow, it would get better. Over the years, I gradually learned to accept that pain is part of my life, part of my normal daily existence. Over the years, it also became very plain that there was something else underlying my inability to recover fully from the accident. I not only had chronic pain, but also chronic fatigue, numerous allergies, various other issues. After several years, things sort of calmed into a manageable state and I moved out of state for graduate school. The stress of graduate school slowly, but surely, undermined the control I had gained over pain, fatigue, and other issues. I ended up with massive pain and fatigue flares, allergies out of control. I also needed five surgeries during the time I was in graduate school. The wear and tear on my body was such that I completed my Master's degree, but withdrew from school just shy of completing my doctorate degree. I have still never been able to complete this final degree. Instead, I had to accept that my body cannot handle the stress of graduate school and academia. My final semester of graduate school, I finally was given partial answers to the medical chaos that had been my existence for so long. I was diagnosed with classical Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) and mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS). There was suspicion of dysautonomia, but I was not diagnosed with neurocardiogenic syncope (NCS) for another 1.5 years.
Five years ago, I finally better understood why I could not heal, why I could not fully recover. What I did not know when I wrote five years ago was that another car accident was in my future in just a couple of weeks (November 8, 2017). Once again, a random stranger struck the vehicle I was driving with such force that both vehicles were totaled. I was in shock that it had happened....and that it had happened again. This time I was t-boned by someone who ran a red light. I was 3 months post-op my second hip surgery (right hip), at the time and my hip surgeon had me get checked in the ER to rule out fractures. I checked out alright, but pretty much lost the ability to walk more than a few steps at a time. However, my entire body hurt so much I could not manage crutches again, either. It was a long and scary several months as I tried to recover and questioned if I'd be able to recover, and if so, to what extent. I was clinging to the Lord to just get through each monument of each day.
The blessing of knowing about the underlying conditions this time, meant I was able to be more proactive and I better understood what was happening. Gratefully, after several months, I actually returned to previous baseline without additional repercussions. There have been several more surgeries since then, but for EDS-related issues and not due to the second car accident.
Fast forward another five years, and I have gained better management of the various chronic medical conditions. I am not pain-free, I do still have intermittent fatigue, allergies, propensity to almost pass out if not careful, etc. But things are managed well enough that I was able to start working again three years ago and I am still going strong. All of this is only in God's strength and by God's grace. He has carried me through many difficult years. He is good. He loves me.
Similar to my written thoughts several years ago, I never would have asked for chronic pain. I still would love for the pain to end. However, I would not ask to have the last 20 years of my life back pain-free. The reason is still the same. God has taught me so much more of Himself through the difficulties of pain, disappointments, inabilities, disabilities.
Romans 8:26-28 (KJV)
26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8&version=KJV
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