I decided to try something different. I have been struggling so much with the various medical issues out of control and the non-op, right hip getting worse. I thought I would see if taking a break from writing would also maybe help me take a break from thinking about things. However, it really made no difference. I did not really think it would, but was at a point where anything was worth a try. I already know how to focus on other things and use distraction. I was already trying to stay focused on other things, on what was going well, and rejoice in each milestone and indicator of progress with the left hip. However, right hip continues to intrude itself upon notice. The left hip is still healing incredibly well and making excellent progress. For this I am very grateful.
I do still know what has happened each week. There is not much difference week to week anymore. I think the majority of healing has taken place and I have regained the majority of normal range of motion and am regaining strength. The full recovery takes about a year, so things are still healing, but less noticeable now.
14 Weeks: Turning Around
I am not really sure how things are going. They are going better in some respects, not so well in others. We have the medical situation turning around for now, finally. However, it is with extreme measures that are not sustainable long term. There still is no long term plan. I am grateful things are getting better for now and trying to just stay in the moment and not think about what happens next. I am still amazed at how well things are going after surgery in the grand scheme. That hip seems to still be doing really well in spite of all of the recent challenges with other issues.
15 Weeks: More Firsts
It has been a while since I have really gotten to do or try much new. Focus has been on regaining better control of things. This past week I drove long distance for the first time since surgery. I attended a conference for the first time since surgery. I got to carry my littlest niece for the first time since surgery. (I had gotten to hold her on my lap earlier).
The conference is one I have attended the last two years as well. The first year, I sat near the front and managed to actually sit through entire sessions. Last year, I sat in the back, sat on my back pillow, stood often, moved around. This year was similar to last except that left hip (op side) was much better than last year, and right hip much worse than last year. Left hip handles sitting longer, but right does not. Left handles standing longer but right does not. The problem with right not handling standing, is then I have more weight shifted onto left, which then tires out left hip faster and it gets sore. I was pleased to discover that after a full day of sitting, standing, left hip being sore, right hip being pinchy and painful, back and neck being sore and painful, that elliptical, PT exercises, and being in the pool helped calm everything down incredibly well! I did need a couple of days just to recover once it was all over and I was home again.
16 Weeks: Changing Things Up
This was an interesting week. After so much travel for the conference, I was home only a couple of days before back on the road again for another surgeon appointment. This time, my sister came over and she did the driving! So grateful! This appointment was more for problem solving since things had only gotten worse and I was struggling after the previous plan had not been followed when the local surgeon had declined to give the injection that had been ordered but without offering any alternative plan. The result was that things kept deteriorating until I "crashed"--unable to cope effectively. Anyway, this appointment went well. He checked both hips and left hip is still doing great in spite of everything! Plan is still the same as last time--stay on course with PT for the left hip and a cortisone injection for the right hip to calm it down, but this time his office will communicate directly with the local surgeon's office and hopefully coordinate care better and hopefully the plan will be followed and I will be able to get the injection. I had half hoped it would be decided that I did not need the injection and maybe there was something else we could try instead. I am not afraid of injections; on the contrary, I have had several and they have all been incredibly effective. I simply prefer as minimal and non-invasive approaches as possible. I guess, right hip is too irritated for less involved measures.
All along, it has struck me as odd because right hip (non-op side) is still stronger than left hip (op side), but the left hip is tolerating things better than the right hip. Well, at the appointment, it turned out that the left hip is now stronger in some respects than the right hip. I had not known that. When I saw PT the next day, I was informed that the left hip is now the good hip. Wow. I knew eventually it would be a good hip, but for it to be "the good hip" at three months into a 1-year recovery was not anticipated. I am not sure how much of this is because it is healing so fast versus that the other hip is deteriorating that rapidly, or a combination thereof. Still, it surprised me. I am pleasantly surprised and grateful that left hip is still doing so well in spite of all of the challenges. It has been discouraging how problematic the right hip has been and that its cannot seem to calm down no matter what we try, short of extreme measures. I think part of what has been so hard is that I cannot measure or see progress as well because as soon as left is cleared to try something, I am told that right will not be able to handle it so not to even try. Hence, it being very difficult to see or feel progress when still incredibly restricted. I have to choose to remember that it is the right hip that is restricting things and that the left hip is doing well and regaining ability and freedom.
More firsts! I was cleared to try whip kick for breaststroke! I am not really allowed to fully kick yet but OK'd to go through the motions slowly and carefully and gently hanging onto the side of the pool or a kick board! So, of course I tried--it went well. It has been months. Left (op side) hip felt fine! Right hip did not do so well. Sigh. I was not surprised about that, but still disappointing.
17 Weeks: Still Persevering
This has been a bit of a rough week again. For one thing, I am still waiting to get the injection for the non-op hip and it is still pretty irritated. It was decided to leave the prednisone dose stable and not taper further until after I am able to get the injection. Still, the dose has been tapered far enough that things are slipping again--across the board, not just the hip. With the taper other things are again reappearing. I had noticed quite a few interesting observations over the years of prednisone bursts and tapers. Prednisone essentially "fixes" everything. We have no idea why. I have been tested repeatedly for autoimmune issues, but always unequivocally negative. Are the other issues consequences from living with constant chronic pain? Thus, when prednisone decreases pain, other things resolve? Or, is something else going on? When we decided to leave prednisone dose alone, it was partially because other issues were again surfacing as the taper progressed. For now, the priority is getting hip pain under control. However, we are watching the other things and depending on what happens, I may get sent back to more specialists again for additional work up. I really do not want to as diagnostic work can be draining and exhausting--physically, mentally, emotionally (and financially). I have been cautioned that I need to learn to not minimize things when discussing concerns with my various healthcare providers However, minimizing is a deeply ingrained coping mechanism that I have always done and I honestly do not know how not to. Also, I am trying to manage things as independently as possible and non-invasive as possible. There are quite a number of things I am just watching on my own...and only mention once I become concerned or it seems to me to become relevant to something else we are trying to address.
Ever more and more I find myself forgetting I had surgery and thus find myself doing things accidentally that had been off limits after surgery. I even find myself doing things I had not been able to do for months/years before surgery!
Something I wrote the other day:
Not quite 4 months post
op and op hip is doing so well I keep forgetting that it had surgery and to be
careful. I mentioned this to PT and that I am afraid of accidentally doing
something and hurting it. She said at this point I am in less danger of doing
anything serious even if I do something my hip is not quite ready for yet. I
mentioned I will find myself sitting cross-legged without thinking about
it--she was not concerned. She keeps having me try new stretches and things I
have not been able to do for years and it is exciting to find I can do them
now!!!! PT is pleased with progress. I am trying really hard to focus on
recovery and how well op hip is doing. Otherwise, it is incredibly discouraging
and frustrating how badly non op hip is doing and how limiting it is.
The non op right hip is starting to catch and feel stuck again. It had stopped since the high dose prednisone a month ago. Sigh.
I have been thinking again over the past week. We are trying to protect the right hip. With the left hip, I had no idea it was even the hip itself--thought the hip pain was compensation from my back. It was years later we finally diagnosed the hip. Thus, I was not protecting the hip at all. I was continuing on with life the best I could. I was limping, but able to get around. The result was years of compensation, me further irritating things from not knowing enough to avoid some things. By the time things were accurately diagnosed, things were pretty bad and essentially it was too late anymore to avoid surgery as things were too far gone. (Did not stop me from trying to avoid surgery anyway.) With the right hip, I am more aware of what to avoid, what to do, what not to do. The right hip is not as bad as left hip was before surgery--for this I am very grateful! I am also very hopeful that the right will not need surgery. However, I do not want the right hip to get as bad as the left hip did before surgery. Thus, trying to protect the right hip. However, as I was thinking through how restricted I still am, I realized I am more restricted than much of the years before surgery. It is not pain itself, but the goal of protecting the hip. Yes, if I overdo it pain reminds me, so pain is sort of a secondary indicator. I can live with some pain and restrictions--I have been doing so for 14 years already. However, once pain and restrictions get to a certain point, it is not really living anymore. It is surviving. I am honestly not sure if the current restrictions will calm down the right hip--so far, nothing is working. If not, then what is the point? I do not want to live this restricted the rest of my life. I'd rather have surgery than be this restricted. I do not want surgery--hence trying to protect the right hip. I really do not know--need to ask about this and see. Maybe we are just protecting until injection? In which case, that does not help with trying to patiently wait until I can get the injection. Sigh. Hence why I feel stuck so much at present. It is because I am stuck. This is also why I prefer managing as independently as possible--not having to wait on providers. I am not a patient patient. I try to be, but it is so hard sometimes.
I am trying to live in the present and not worry about the future. But, I am also trying to maintain an eternal perspective and not get caught up in the temporary challenges of the present.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
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