So, break is over and now it is back to the real world. Life is super busy again. And…this is going to be another long post. I am trying to view the humorous side of things, so here goes!
I am still dealing with my crazy body and its tendency to want to try out every symptom it can think of, thus subjecting me to every test or procedure imaginable. One of these days I keep hoping I will figure out how to anticipate its crazy ideas and prevent it from acting them out. I keep thinking we have exhausted the possibilities, but apparently the only possibilities being exhausted are those for resolving things. Sigh. I wish my body weren't so terribly imaginative and creative. Unfortunately, it is far more so than I am-thus catching me by surprise with each new thing it decides to try out. I have tried ignoring it-but I deal with the consequences. I have tried pursuing treatment to stop it-but again I bear the consequences. So far, it is definitely winning this little battle. If it is trying to impress me with its broad range of ideas, or its ability to continually come up with new symptoms before the previous ones are even figured out, it is failing miserably-because I end up feeling miserable while dealing with all of this. Sometimes, I think I should try to guess its next move and prevent it. But other times, I think it safer NOT to try to think of anything else it might try-I don’t want to supply it with any further ideas. I wonder if it is aspiring to try out every single medical test in existence? Or, maybe it simply wants to meet every physician in Ames…and central IA…and eastern NE? I certainly hope not because I am literally sick and tired of testing…and procedures…and appointments…and new specialists…and more medications…and more therapies…I think this list conveys some of the idea. (I am very grateful for the many great providers I have; I am simply tired of the fact that this is part of my daily existence at present and most of the past year.) Basically, if a chronic illness is considered a second full time job (in terms of time and effort involved to manage things), then I am currently working so many full time jobs that I really should be being compensated accordingly…instead of having to pay for this privilege(?)! (Fortunately, I am not really paying much at present due to the “minor detail” that I already paid the maximum out-of-pocket amount for my insurance plan-within the first 2 months of the new insurance year. (last year it took ~8 months to reach that point.) Yay crazy body! *please note the heavy sarcasm* I try to provide this self-centered body with everything it needs to be healthy (good nutrition, adequate sleep, exercise, times of rest and relaxation, etc.), but instead of being grateful and content to be healthy, it goes and rewards my efforts with further displays of willful disregard by getting sick, or trying out some other random new symptom. In blatant rebellion, it refuses to accept the sleep I try to provide for it-it wakes me regularly every night-sometimes at the same times, sometimes to mix things up, it decides to try a variety of different times. Sometimes, it teases me by letting me almost get a full night of sleep, but then wakens me an hour before my alarm, but then won’t let me go back to sleep. Or, on other nights, it decides to wake me every 2 hours the first half of the night and every hour the second half. Then, it complains of being tired the next day. How does it think I feel? (OK, so it doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that my feelings count-if it even recognizes I have feelings.)
I am aware this was really random…but so am I sometimes. When things are crazy and out of my control, I often find it helpful to distance myself from whatever is causing the problems. I have done this for years with the chronic pain-I consider the pain to have its own set of likes and dislikes-often quite opposite to mine. For example, I enjoy thunder storms, snow storms, etc. Unfortunately, my neck and back do NOT and complain painfully when storms come-thus trying to take away some of my joy. Naturally, with all of the other health challenges over the past year, I began to think of my entire body as having a mind of its own. It clearly was not following my wishes. Hence, the preceding story! =)
Sometimes, I feel as if I am a mind trapped in a willful, recalcitrant body. However, when I think of this, it brings to mind the fact that really, this is not that far from the truth. As a child of God, He has put a new nature inside of this old body of flesh. The old nature is constantly striving with the new nature. The old may occasionally gain the upper hand, but the victory has already been won at the cross-the new nature wins in the end and that is what counts. When struggling with a tired, sick, weak human body that seems to be keeping my mind from doing what it would like, I need to remember how frustrating that is and when tempted to give in to the ways of the old nature, to instead choose to allow the new nature to rule the old nature.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Colossionas 3:10 (KJV)
And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:
