May 30, 2014: Update on My Mom

Copied from my sister Lori's update she posted earlier this morning:

Strength for the Day: Update on Dorothy Kratzer - May 30, 2014

May 30, 2014 at 7:36am

As your days, so shall your strength be.– Deuteronomy 33:25

Mom’s body is very weak. Every day there seems to be some small thing that she is no longer able to manage. It is difficult for her tospeak and sometimes even breathing seems to be tedious.

Last night, the Lord brought the verse above to mind and comforted with these thoughts:
He will continue to give Mom strength for each day, each moment, each breath right up until her last.
He will continue to give Dad and the rest of us strength for each new turn in this difficult path.

Some thoughts that Dad shared with me yesterday:
When we follow where He leads, we are on His path.
It isn’t the wrong path, but the path that He has put before us.
Wherever He calls us to follow, He goes before and walks beside us.

Praise the Lord with us for His promises and His strength.
Pray that we would continue to take hold of God’s strength for each moment.

Update on Mom May 2014

The following was written and posted on Facebook by my sister, Lori:

Update on Dorothy Kratzer – May 2014

May 23, 2014 at 7:28pm

“Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!” – Psalm 34:7

Mom begins hospice care today. While there may still be plenty of time left for us to spend with her, the little moments have become very precious. We are resting in God’s goodness at this time.

We are thankful that we were able to all be together as a family earlier this month when Mom was still in the hospital.

We are thankful that she was well enough to attend Ellen’s graduation on May 17 and stand with her when she received her diploma.

We are thankful that Stef was able to be home for a whole week and spend some time with Mom.

We are thankful that all of Mom’s siblings were able to come today for a visit. She was blessed by the time they had together.

We are thankful that Mom has been feeling a little better the past couple of days. 

More than anything...
We are thankful that God is good and that He holds Mom in His hands.

Updates on Mom April and May 2014

Much of this has been copied directly from Facebook update posts over the past few days.

4/29/14 evening:
Update on my mom and prayer request: my mom is going in for a liver biopsy tomorrow morning. They will give her platelets beforehand to try to avoid excessive bleeding as her counts have been low. The doctors have not wanted to start the new chemotherapy until they know what is going on with her liver. Please pray the test gives an accurate portrayal of what is going on and for wisdom for the doctors to know how best to proceed. Please pray for strength and healing for my mom as well.

4/30/14 early evening:
Please keep praying. My mom had the procedure, but is now bleeding internally. They are trying to find where the bleeding is in order to get it stopped. She will be staying in the hospital overnight tonight. Prayers are greatly appreciated!

4/30/14 later evening (few hours later):
Thank you so much! I just heard from my dad with an update on my mom. They got the bleeding stopped, my mom is stable and was moved to critical care for overnight.

5/1/14 early evening:

Update on my mom: I just talked with my dad and my mom is still in the hospital and will be kept overnight tonight as well, but she has been moved from critical care to a regular floor.  Her blood pressure and blood counts have been holding steady today.  However, she lost a lot of blood and it took a lot to get levels up again.  Additionally, challenges with getting adequate nutrition continue with new ones added from the recent events.  Prayer for ongoing healing are still needed.  She should hopefully learn the results of the liver biopsy next week. I believe they are still waiting to start the new chemotherapy until after they know the results of the biopsy, so please continue to pray for wisdom for the doctors.

5/2/14 late morning:

Update on my mom again: My dad just let me know that the liver biopsy shows cancer in her liver. They are keeping her in the hospital again tonight to make sure her blood levels stay stable. Please keep praying for her. Thank you!

Update on Mom April 2014

Written and posted on Facebook April 16, 2014 by my sister, Lori.

As many of you know, doctors found cancer in my mom's bone marrow in
January (this happened before in 2012). This has meant weekly trips to
the clinic for chemo treatments and to the hospital for blood or
platelets. Mom has been on several different courses of antibiotics for
possible infection during this time.

At the end of March, Mom completed her first round of the new
chemotherapy. God worked it out that her week "off" coincided with some
special family events. She got to stand on the stage when Ellen
was recognized with the other graduates at the Nebraska homeschool
convention. Scott, Hannah, and their girls, and Stephanie were also home
that weekend, so she was able to enjoy some special time with family.

The past couple of weeks have been particularly difficult. Mom has had
some pain and weakness in her legs and has continued to need platelets
and red cell transfusions. Last night, after about 10 hours in the
hospital, Mom's doctor told her that basically the chemo she is on is
not working. They are going to let her take this week off and then start
a new chemo treatment next week.

Please pray:

1) For the doctors to select a chemo that will be effective

2) For relief from pain, energy for daily tasks, and strength to handle the new chemo

3) For a better appetite so that she can get needed nourishment

4) Opportunities to speak of Christ in the many interactions with doctors, etc.


Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!

A special moment with Grandma during their visit in March.

Update on Mom February 2014

This is an update and a prayer request.  My mom received the results of her bone marrow biopsy.  It confirmed what we had already been guessing—the cancer is back in her bone marrow again.  She has been needing transfusions to help with low hemoglobin and platelet counts.  The plan at this time is to change to a different chemotherapy.  She will also continue to receive transfusions as needed until blood counts stabilize.  With the low blood counts, she is often tired.  Please pray for strength and healing for my mom.

Thoughts on Invisible Illness

I am just thinking through some things.  This has been a rough week with much higher pain levels and significantly worse migraines.  I am struggling to get anything done and pain has been bad enough the last 2 mornings, that after taking the morning dose of pain killer, I just went back to bed until things eased up enough to be able to face the day.

Then, I somehow manage to pull myself together, go to work and appear normal enough that no one has a clue how much time and effort it took to get things controlled enough to go to work.  Below is something I wrote earlier in the recovery process from this last surgery and when the bandaging on my arm was still on and very obvious.

Written 7/20/13

Having lived with "invisible illness/disability" for over a decade, it is very interesting to watch reactions to my very visible surgery incision and bandaging.  To me the surgery was more of an inconvenience and hopefully, it will heal fully with time.  The other issues are a greater and lasting problem but no one can see them.  For the most part, I much prefer that no one can tell by looking at me that I have any health issues.  On the other hand, there are times I wish it was obvious.  When things are out of control and it takes huge effort just to get the basic essentials done I do sometimes wish others could tell.  As it is I usually end up feeling like I am failing to get things done and only viewed as lazy or incompetent rather than the reality that it takes huge amounts of time and effort just to survive. Sigh. Now that I do have something visible, it is nice that there is a visual reminder to others that I am not at 100% of health.  However, it also means I have totally lost my appearance of being "normal" for the time being.  Honestly, I am glad this stage is temporary and I will be able to go back to everything being "invisible" again.  I try to think of creative ways to deal with the very real limitations of invisible illness/disability on a daily basis when interacting with others, but have never figured anything out.  I do NOT want pity, but it would be nice if instead of being though forgetful and/or lazy, the blame was placed on the true culprit--invisible, but very real--physical illness that often compromises normal mental function.  As hard as I work at appearing "normal," all semblance of normalcy disappeared with the appearance of the first invisible condition.

Update (8/8/13):
Recovery is going very well.  All bandaging is long gone (a full week)!  I am able to submerge the incision now, so am back to swimming and other water-based pain management approaches. I am also back to being very nearly fully invisible again in terms of physical issues.  The physical therapist commented this morning that I am using the arm more normally again and not protecting it as much.  The surgery scar does show sometimes, but is much less obvious now.  Nothing else shows unless someone takes the time to watch me and how I do things. Even then, they would be likely to miss the signs because I try so hard to hide the pain and minimize its effects. 

Why do I try so hard to appear normal and keep things invisible?  I do not really know.  I am wondering if it is partially because I would love for things to be normal again?  I suspect is it also partially because I fight limitations and restrictions.  I am striving to retain as much normal ability and function as possible. At this point, the only aspect of normalcy left is the appearance of normalcy.

When thinking about the amount of energy and effort expended in just surviving daily life, I sometimes wonder if maybe I need to stop even trying to appear normal?  Just let things be what they really are. Instead, learn to accept the limitations more openly, learn to accept help when offered, learn to ask for help when needed, stop trying to do things on my own.  I am fighting this idea because I do not want attention, I do not want to be noticed.  I simply want to be myself, happily minding my own business, carrying out and enjoying my work and how it fits into the bigger picture of life and doing things independently. 

Part of me is scared.  I am not usually fearful, but I am preparing for a new school year and with several of the chronic issues not only not resolved, but flared up. I am trying to trust God''s plan and rest in what He has planned out for me. I know He knows best and I know beyond doubt He loves me and is working things out for the best. I need to trust Him and not worry.  God is good!

Update on Mayo Clinic Results

Well...I am not sure how to start this update.  I guess, first, a HUGE thank you to all who have been praying for me through the months and years.  Next, I am very grateful to have been able to go to Mayo Clinic and for their excellent care in the process.  Today was a follow-up appointment with the surgeon to check the incision.  The incision is fine and healing well!  The "scar tissue remodeling" process will take about one year. 

Then, I had a follow-up appointment with the neurologist to hear the results from the muscle biopsy and other testing.  And...absolutely everything was normal.  This was was both good to hear and disappointing to hear.  It is good to know that there is not really anything "wrong" with my muscles.  At the same time, it was disappointing to learn there is no known cause for the weakness and therefore no further insight into managing things.  I was told to continue as I have been--learning by trial and error what seems to help with symptoms. 

Honestly, I do not know yet fully how I feel regarding the news.  I have not yet fully processed things.  I am truly relieved on one hand that things are normal.  To me, this implies that if I can figure out how to help my body, that theoretically, I should be able to get things fully resolved.  On the other hand, it does mean that I am "stuck" with current situation until current approaches have more time to work and/or I figure out something else to try that helps.  I have more follow-up appointments with other providers in the next week or so.  Hopefully, between everyone, we can come up with some kind of plan to support my body and help it function as best as possible and survive the coming school year.  Eventually, I would like to get to the point where instead of struggling so hard to simply survive, I can regain the ability to thrive and do some things without so much effort and advance planning.

Prayers for wisdom for me as I move forward from here would be greatly appreciated.  I would also value prayers for true acceptance of yet another unexplained symptom/condition on top of the already existing ones.